How can moms, dads, and their older children come to terms amid great differences of opinion? It’s an age-old question but one that is taking on a fresh life as parents and young adults disagree about fundamental issues like marriage, college financing, career paths, college choices, and more. One of the typical conflicts arises when a young man or woman chooses to marry someone whom one or both parents don’t like. Such arguments can leave families torn apart, but most combatants find a way forward. Consider the following details about how children, fathers, and mothers can come to terms with major life issues.
What if the mother of the bride-to-be doesn’t approve of the husband-to-be? That scenario, and all its variants, are at the heart of a potentially divisive family disagreement. In extreme cases, when the individuals can’t talk through the standoff, professional counselors can offer ways to reduce stress and provide help. Few couples ever agree to cancel wedding plans, but mothers and fathers have been known to boycott weddings and eventually cut off relations with their adult children. There’s no clear solution when a mom or dad disapproves of their child’s future spouse. If all parties are willing to submit to counseling, it’s usually possible to make peace that lasts for years.
Cosigning on College Loans
The question of who pays for college can be a contentious one. From a young person’s perspective, it can be nearly impossible to get financing for a degree without a cosigner. The most obvious choice is Mom and Dad, whose signatures on a loan application can make it a prime candidate for approval. But what if they refuse? Of course, there’s no legal requirement for either parent to cosign on a student loan, so that can make life very tough for future graduates.
Youngsters who can’t find another person, besides their mom and dad, to cosign can seek work-study opportunities, attend low-cost community colleges, apply for scholarships, or work for a few years before attending school and completing a degree. Some mothers and fathers believe that it’s their duty to assist with the financial side of education goals. But many don’t, and that can create major challenges for older teens who want to get degrees as soon as they complete high school. Community colleges are the go-to option for young adults who have few financial resources.
How do reasonable people agree to disagree about a young person’s career choice? For fathers and mothers who strongly disapprove of what their child does for a living, there are not many solutions. Even if mom and dad financed a university diploma in engineering, that’s no guarantee that their daughter will choose that path. If she instead decides to work as a private investigator or musician for a few years after graduation, it’s a good bet that family conflict will ensue. While there’s no textbook solution to such dilemmas, most couples come to terms with an adult child’s job choices simply because there’s nothingthey can do about it without appearing overly intrusive. However, some parents demand that an errant son or daughter repay personal loans immediately in such cases.