Emotions run high during a separation and divorce. Not just for you, but for your child or children as well. And we all know this; we all know just how complicated feelings can get when a relationship breaks down for more than one person.
But when it comes to handling your own emotions during a divorce, as well as being there for your family and accounting for their feelings, the advice on juggling everything at once can be less forthcoming. Understanding the difficulty is one thing, but being able to face it practically while your own heart may be falling apart is another.
That’s why we’ve put this guide together. If you’re currently dealing with a co-parenting settlement and dividing up your assets, and you’re all too aware of your children in the middle, these tips may just be what you’re looking for.
Don’t Let Any Emotions Be Off Limits
It doesn’t matter how hard the feeling may be to describe, how overwhelming it might be, or how annoyed you may be at yourself for feeling it – don’t let any emotions be off limits.
Divorces can bring up all kinds of complicated thoughts and feelings, and if you put a self-imposed ban on which ones are OK to talk about, you’ll only make yourself feel worse overall.
Your child may even feel that you’re not being honest with them, or feel unable to talk about certain things on their own end, and that’s not what you want at all.
Talk Honestly About How You’re Feeling
Now you’re OK with letting all emotions onto the table, it’s time to talk honestly about the way they’re making you feel. In doing so, you can encourage your child to do the same.
Of course, you may want to explain things in a child-friendly manner, but the main thing here is to give value to your own emotions while also giving your child a demonstration on the healthiest thing to do.
Even if their emotions will be difficult for you, such as how much they miss their other parent, let them know it’s OK for these things to be mentioned.
Keep Relationship Talk to a Minimum
Relationship talk isn’t for kids’ ears, especially when it’s their parents that are involved.
Talking about their other parent in front of them may lead to negative feelings, both for you and your ex-partner.
Seeing your child be uncertain about their own relationship with either of their parents can then be detrimental to your own mental state.
Work with an Attorney Trained in Mediation
Divorce proceedings can get messy, and there’s often a lot of worry from both sides about dragging your marriage into the courtroom and having to go from there. However, there is another option you can rely on: mediation.
If you go through mediation, you may just be able to keep stress and anxiety to a minimum, come up with a working settlement that benefits everyone involved, and have more time and mental space to focus on your own and your child’s feelings.
When you’re trying to deal with tension both in and out of the home, and you know your child can feel all of it too, this method can help to keep things calm and peaceful.
Don’t Take on the Emotional Burden Alone
It’s important to have support during a divorce. You’re going to be your child’s main point of contact for a chat and a cuddle, but you’re going to need someone else to rely on to get the same kind of TLC.
Don’t think you can take on this emotional burden alone. It’ll just lead to a bottling up of your own feelings, which can make it much harder to take on your child’s troubles as well.
You may even find yourself getting frustrated or your patience wearing thin, which in turn can make you feel guilty.
What to Keep in Mind
Handling your emotions during a divorce can be just as messy and complicated as actually getting a divorce, especially when you’ve got little ones to look out for as well.
As such, be as open and honest as you can be, don’t take on the emotional burden alone, and look into ways to keep your divorce as smooth and calm as possible.
And remember, it’s best to keep any talk about your ex-partner off the table when your child is around. When you need an outlet, stick to speaking about this with other grown ups.
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