Let me preface this by saying the Ferber method of sleep training is not for everyone. It wasn’t for us, and the only reason we even attempted it when my oldest was 15 months was because our pediatrician urged us that it was the only way. I became so frustrated with him over our differences in sleep training because our thoughts on feeding and vaccinating children were the same, and I couldn’t believe how different we viewed the “sleeping” situation. He assured me that this was what he did with his child and it is the only method that worked.
So, we gave it a try. No child should be screaming in their beds to the point of vomiting. Really? Are we trying to set good habits in children or are we making them think that they will be neglected? Everyone’s opinion differs on this topic, and different things work for different people. After an unsuccessful run with the Ferber method, I was drained, my baby was withdrawn, and it was time for something else.
A friend had actually told me that their baby would scream in the crib. Their pediatrician suggested that the baby was claustrophobic and suggested a toddler bed at only 12 months of age. It worked like a charm and their 5 year old has been sleeping comfortably since. I had this idea in the back of my head when I left my toddler in my bed for an afternoon nap. I lay pillow all around her and left her in there while I sat on the floor watching her outside the room. Within 10 minutes she was asleep. This gave me the idea to take the rail off her bed and convert it to a toddler bed. This worked like a charm and for a few months we had very peaceful nights and easy bed time routines. Then it all changed…
She would climb out of her bed and come into our room at night. At some point she just stopped falling asleep in her bed altogether and asked to be rocked in her rocking chair. I felt that she had regressed a bit, but with my hubby getting up at 5am to go to work and me being pregnant, we ended up in survival mode and gave in. We knew that it would be a while before we could actually establish good sleeping habits because we didn’t want to rock her world when the baby came.
We knew exactly what we had to do. We watched enough Super Nanny to know that you had to establish a routine, be consistent, and be strict. The routine was set: we had been doing the same thing every night- brush teeth, read a book, drink milk. So we had one thing down. Next was to have her fall asleep in her own bed. This was a bit trickier, and I had to throw in some threats to keep her in her bed. I told her that if she didn’t sleep in her own bed, she wouldn’t get to keep her favorite Hello Kitty sheets. It only took 3 nights before she was falling asleep on her own. The next hurdle was getting her to stay in her bed at night.
She got up three times that night and we had to walk her back in each time. The second night she only came in once, and by the third night she stayed in her room all night. Success! We still have some setbacks, occasionally she does get up in the middle of the night and ask to come to our bed, but we are consistent and bring her back to her room each time. I feel that after a few more weeks of this her sleep issues should be solved.
My best tips for sleep training without tears is:
- Be Consistent- Mean what you say
- Be Firm- Children are really smart and can be great at manipulating. Once you give in, they will try to take advantage
- Reward good behavior- My toddler asked for a Hello Kitty bedding set and got it the first night she slept in her bed. To keep it on her bed she had to continue to fall asleep and stay in her bed. Use a reward chart to help them understand.
- Set a routine. Make sure to keep things the same every night so that your child knows what to expect.
- Explain to your child what you expect from them and set realistic expectations.
- Make sure your child feels safe and comfort them when necessary
- Don’t give up if it doesn’t work the first night. A few sleepless nights for you means a much better road ahead for peaceful sleep!
well my son is 3 1/2 and still sneaks into our bed at night probably 5 out of 7 nights a week, sometimes he sleeps all the way thru when he’s really tired. Or should i say my bed since my husband works late and falls alseep on the couch. I do not know what to do – with a new baby coming in 5 months, my son cannot be crawling in bed with me with a newborn in there at all hours. the problem is sometimes my son is so quiet i don’t even hear him. I guess i have to deal with it soon, wish me luck!
I’m glad you found something that worked for you! I totally agree with being consistent! We could never do the ferber method with our toddler and so many people say to just let them CIO too but we couldn’t do either. A routine has helped us tremendously! We are in a good routine and our 19 month old sleeps through the night without issue and usually falls asleep by herself. If she doesn’t then that’s when we know she doesn’t feel well or could be teething.
Great tips! Thanks for sharing. My almost 4 year old will still sometimes get up and come to our room at night – I just have to walk him back to his bed and he’ll go back to sleep. My almost 2 year old sleeps great! We just put him down in his crib for the night and he goes right to sleep, no issues. With baby #3 due in just a couple of months, we’ll see how things change for us. Hopefully it will all remain the same!
Our 3 year old has trouble sleeping too! We used to lay in bed with him until he fell asleep, and sometimes he would just mess around for hours before passing out and it was taking its toll on all of us. For the last week or so, after the bedtime routine, we’ve told him he can play with his toys til he falls asleep as long as he stays in his bed in his room. For the first few nights he kept coming to our room and we had to bring him back and cuddle him a bit, but now he plays for a few minutes and passes out while still holding his toys! We feel free!
I’m trying not to let this scare me off. I’ll read it again in a year 🙂
Great tips! My daughter would usually come into out room when had a bad dream or it was storming. I would walk her back to her bed and have her lay in it and I would talk to her and rub her back and she would usually fall back asleep. We never let her sleep in our bed as we didn’t have the extra room and didn’t want it to become a habit for her.
Thanks for a good article about toddler sleeping. I agree with much of what you said! We co-sleep with our 13 month old and plan to move him into a toddler bed eventually. Not sure when we will, but it would be nice! We co-slept with our six year old until he was four – do NOT want to do that again. Honestly, I think it comforts us having the baby in bed with us as much as it does our baby!
Those are great tips ..thank u for sharing. I will definitely be trying them. I especially believe in the be consistent one. Kids test you at all times and if you don’t stay true to your word, they know what your weakness is and they’ll try to get over on things with that,. Great Post!
Great tips. I always had to bribe my kids to sleep in their bed! We are co-sleeping with my 22 month old because I could not handle her crying in her crib. I will be so glad when I can reason with her and convince her to sleep in her bed.
I was/am lucky that my son was always a good sleeper. *knocks wood* 🙂