I knew this day would come soon. I was hoping it would come last August, and then started to dread it sometime in October. The day that might separate me from my daughter for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week: Job Openings. When I lost my job as a teacher last year I was devastated. I didn’t know how we were going to get by and couldn’t fathom what would happen with our insurance. This feeling made me sick – the entire summer spent looking for ANY teaching position that would have some income coming in. Once October came around, I knew that there was no hope in finding a permanent teaching position until April or May, but at that point, I was content with staying home and not bringing any money in. As with all things, you learn to live with what you have, and we were doing pretty well on one salary – even if it meant no more going out for dinner, buying new clothes, and skimping on the junk food to buy some wholesome groceries.
So, the day is here. I checked the website of job listings and there it is. I felt sick to my stomach thinking that I would have to leave my little girl, again. I always wanted to be a stay at home mom, but getting by on one salary alone just wouldn’t cut it – so off to work I had to go.
I wondered if I should even tell my husband – I mean, what he didn’t know wouldn’t hurt, right? I closed the page and decided to think about it some more. A few days later I decided to check out the listings again – hoping the position would have disappeared. Sure enough, it was still there and I decided to look into it some more. When I opened the page, it turned out that the position was only for a leave replacement and was temporary. This would definitely not work for us because we cannot get a babysitter for only 6-8 weeks, hand over my entire salary and get no benefits out of it. Our previous nanny would most likely come back to work for us, but I would not want her to leave her current position for only a few weeks.
I was relieved that this position would not work for me – but this entire situation made me realize that I needed to talk to hubby about my wishes – QUICK! I am not ready to go back to work and I would like to be home with the next baby. He agreed with my decision and even though we are not living as comfortably as I would like, I would never trade the time I have with my little girl.